if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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