I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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