is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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