In the future we'll all be gay
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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