chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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