Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
