i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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