addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
a search helicopter?!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
