I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
