I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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