I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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