there's paper in my vomit.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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