forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
