i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you are never too drunk for berry picking
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
