Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
