well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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