I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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