When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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