It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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