It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
