sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
