I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When are your genitals available?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
