That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Randomize
