I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
