operation harelip BJ is a go
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost