They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
