I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.