is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
