We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.