Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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