I'm sorry my penis didn't work
guess who came home with a hottie last night
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.