She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
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We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.