Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal