Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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