Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
