dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I still have a little drunk in my system
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
