things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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