You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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