Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
accomplished twins. life is a go
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
