Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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