dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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