i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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