I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
