Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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