There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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