Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
