don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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