phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
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Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
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It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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