Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
