dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
