halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think people are normalizing furries
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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