We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
