someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
