Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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