i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
