Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
