...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
