Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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