Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
