I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
