It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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