I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
