Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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