She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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