dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
