Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
