K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
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Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
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I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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