Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
