matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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