well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
