Do you still have your period?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
