This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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