Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i was born a porn star she said
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
