Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
