Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
