My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The best revenge is premature balding
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
