its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
