I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
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