Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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