I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
