so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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