something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
