Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
