He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Couch. On fire.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
