I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
